there she stood unkempt and crude her family lines a sickly brood her sweats all stained with God knows what brown and smudged across her butt but in the light of twilight time hot damn, my Lord she looked so fine through the years and many a stain she stole my heart my love she’d Gain
Sadie rushed out to the barn, A whip with her cowgirl charm, The animals arranged, An ending deranged, Now Sadie’s done bought the farm.
Fat Larry began a fad diet, With an eye for sweet apple pies, He followed the plan to the letter, And promptly when up one size. Undeterred he continued to eat, For the losses he’d soon realize, Until a peek in the mirror did show, The pie had gone straight to his thighs.
Driving down the road 🛣️ Minding my own business When buddy flips me the bird 🦜 I know free verse don’t rhyme But this guy’s a real turd 💩 With my ego now bruised My brain explodes 💥 And my senses go blind What’s this clown’s 🤡 Problem anyway Step on the gas ⛽ I weave through the rush My window recessed 🪟 As I pull up to your ride I start waving my fist 👊 Rhyme a curse at the lady inside Don’t call the cops 🚓 That’s not meant for you
I got the wrong car 🚗 Mistaken identity I swear I’m totally raging 🤬 As I punch it again Blast past a school bus 🚌 This rhyming is insane I catch a glimpse 👀 As you make the left I race through the turn 🏎️ And ‘round the bend Caught in my web 🕸 ️The thrill of pursuit gone What do I do now ❓ I take a deep breath and In a moment of zen ☯️ My road rage does pass I rhyme one last time ⌚ And realise, I’m the real ass!
My head’s been set on fire, My weary bones do ache, I’m sizzlin’ hot to touch, Still, I shiver and I shake. With a scratch in my throat and, A faucet for a nose, That gets redder and more raw, Every time it has to blows.
I’ve got blotches on my torso, Itchy, scratchy and the such, My palatine uvula is so swollen, It’s becoming a little much. I’ve burst blood vessels in my eye, From coughing up a lung, Don’t get me started on the back end, Just get me a bloody bung.
My insides twisted up in knots, Cramps eating at my gut, Pressure building deep within, Gases exploding from my butt. I kneel before the Ivory throne, Paying respect to the porcelain King, I’ve eaten nothing in three days, Still, I’m going to fill the thing.
I bolt awake at 2 a.m., Sweat streaming from my pores, I’ve been lying here so bloody long, I’m developing bedsores. Not Tylenol or Advil or a combo of the two Can soothe this pounding head, Don’t know how much more I can take I think I’d be better off dead!
This poem was inspired by Joanne Fisher and her “What’s In Your Pocket?” prompt for Chel Owen’s Terrible Poetry Contest. The poem was to be written as a Tanka and you can find my official entry here. I also wrote this little ditty that strayed way too far from the rules and really should never have seen the light of day. I admit, I thought about burying it forever for just the briefest of moments and then said bleepit and published it anyway. Sorry in advance…
I know it’s here someplace, Where, oh where did it go, ‘neath lint covered bubble gum That’s long lost its blow.
That feels like a skittle, Or a raisin left to grow, If entered in the science fair, It’s guaranteed best in show.
Bottomless it seems, My T in up to the sleeve, Dear Lord, a used rubber, Sans baby batter, I beg, please.
Is that the telly remote, I’d wondered where it had gone, Of course, the dang replacement, Just arrived from Amazon.
Down deeper I dig, how much further, O-M-Gee, a fusty festering tissue, may hold a cure for SARS CoVee.
An apple that’s sprouted, And the hamster I’d set free, One thing’s for damned certain, There’s no sign of my key.
fiddle, faddle piddle, paddle a bit of this, a touch of that inside, outside, inside out here and there and all about this way, that way, sideways too weeding, whacking a click and… snap time to take a morning nap front door, back door up on the roof crank call from a telephone booth up and down and all around highs and lows and lost and found hot and cold and polished gold through the garden up to the hedge wave and smile and chat awhile chirp, chirp, chirp across the sky stop to watch as the sparrows fly by and by, a dreamy sigh spinning, swirling, shaking so back outside to watch the show soon the sun will start to fade ending yet another day twinkle, twinkle little star daddy thinks its in the car down the stairs and out the door be right back to try once more left and right and in between catch my breath and stop to lean against the stairs but for a sec the day has vanished oh so quick back and forth and up and down wipe and rinse and nearly drown one, two, three, from a to zed time to fall into my bed slowly drifting out of sight lost in dreams throughout the night