A Tangled Web

As I approached I could see another bouquet adorning my beloved’s gravesite. That makes new flowers nine days straight. I thought while trying to put the puzzle pieces together in my head. It may have been going on longer, but it had been months since I last visited.

The pain of Ethel’s loss had paralysed me. I wore the grief like a pair of cement shoes. At first I moved through the sludge unaware that I was sinking deeper as it hardened around me. The weight of the unbearable darkness blinding me from finding any escape. I’m not a young man and even time, the healer of all things, seemed unlikely to be enough to free me.

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Six thirteen, the sun blinking her eyes open to greet the new day. A thin sliver of warm light cut Roger in two. Tucked behind the old sycamore, itself standing tall before the thick bramble that lined the boundary between the living and the dead. Inconspicuous, like the ghosts that walked this place for a hundred years, he watched.

A small figure sauntered through the open gate. Something clasped in their hand as they weaved amongst the other graves, careful to tread lightly. They stopped to make the sign of the cross at a fresh site before continuing. Roger felt anticipation, dread, the mystery coming to conclusion or maybe just beginning.

Alex? His long-time assistant from what seemed another lifetime approached the grave. What are they doing here? Did she know? Had she taken our secrets to her grave?

Alex knelt before the grave, discarding yesterday flowers, replacing them with a small fresh wreath. Alex sat there for a long moment. Roger thought he could see a tear fall. He wanted to reach out, but his own guilt rooted him in place, like the old sycamore concealing his position. The past worming its way to the surface, all his failings and insecurities rushing out.

Ten years had passed since Roger last saw Alex. The pair had fought many corporate battles side by side and become the best of friends. Both he and Ethel had welcomed Alex into their family. One summer evening in the den, Roger and Alex crossed the line from friends to lovers. Passion fueling their indiscretion as Ethel prepared dessert down the hall.

That spark would ignite a fire that would burn for just over a year. When Ethel was present it was as if nothing had changed but when she wasn’t it was intensely intimate right up until Alex abruptly resigned. Roger recalled how it was when Alex left. The struggled capturing what he had with the woman he loved and the broken heart his confidante left behind.

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I continued to visit the grave two or three time a week after that. Always waiting until I was certain Alex wasn’t going to be there. Every time I visited there were fresh flowers waiting for me, for her. I had plenty of questions that I didn’t want answered so I avoided any chance of confrontation.

One afternoon as I dozed on the porch of our old home I was startled awake by a familiar voice.

“Roger, how have you been?”

I looked up to see Alex standing with one resting on the first step. I didn’t know what to say. “Alex, what, nice to see you?” Hardly a graceful comeback. Their unmistakable scent filling the air I had to take a moment to catch my breath. It was like they’d never left. “I didn’t think I ever see you again.” I was careful to not slip, to say anything about Ethel’s graveside visits.

“She knew, you know. I didn’t tell her but she was already a step ahead.”

I grimaced and then asked, “How and when?”

“She knew almost from the start. She asked one afternoon as we lay in each others’ arms. I didn’t know what to say but she immediately saw it in my eyes. She reached over, brushed the hairs from my face and kissed me. Although we spend many hours together after that, we never spoke of it again.”

“How long Alex?”

“Right up until the end… She loved both of us, just as you did. I couldn’t ask her to leave you but I also couldn’t reconcile how we all fit together. I had to make a choice, and she took that secret with her.”

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